Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
