Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I deserve this hangover.
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