and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
