i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
