Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
