Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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