You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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