mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Come on in and take your pants off
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