90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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