Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
