My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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