I'm really into asian looking animals
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
