You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize