So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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