the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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