Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
