If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
