Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
