Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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