the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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