Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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