i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
