They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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