well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
