hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
