What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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