You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
