I just pynch a tree in the face
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
