Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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