On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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