the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
