there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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