I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
