Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
