You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
