There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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