I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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