He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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