i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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