You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
