we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
