I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
