Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
