Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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