marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
