I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
