How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
