Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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