having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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