Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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