New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
