I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize