he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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