She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
