And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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