what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
