I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
