I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
