the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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