If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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