oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
