So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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