Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
