But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I came so hard my ears popped.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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