like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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