just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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