i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
