Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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