Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
