I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
