so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
